It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
