what day is it and did you see me today?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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