You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
