there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
