She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
