please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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