Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
