dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hippo gnu deer
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
