Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
