Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
