can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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