After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
