that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need to calm my uterus...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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