sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
