Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
