Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
