Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
