I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
