We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
