I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
