They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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