the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
