I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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