Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
