being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
