Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
