Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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