Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
