i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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