next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
