i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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