no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
