I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
