Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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