I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
