oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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