i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
