everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
