Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
