I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
