that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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