I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
