Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
