her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
