Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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