wanna go halves on a baby?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The beer is more important than you right now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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