I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
