I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
