Will you blow on my dice?
one two three fourrrrnication!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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