I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
