It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
