NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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