3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
