thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
